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Hello my children 

And thank you all for being here with me 

My 1st album 

So sit back 

And may God bless you all 

 

If you feel that you don't belong anywhere 

And your beliefs are yet to be found 

Let me teach you of the spirit that is everywhere 

And how in everywhere 

Heaven can be found 

 

1,2,3,4 

You're the one to unlock the door 

And spread the word of Jesus 

 

And everyone that's cool will say 

That you're a fool but that's okay 

Cause you all know the truth about Jesus 

 

5,6,7,8 

And when you get to the pearly gate 

You'll have the good luck to meet Jesus 

 

Teachers will tell you that science is proven 

But you have the faith, and you know how to use it 

So tell this world about Jesus 

 

Sinners beware 

Cause Satan knocks 

And all the places you haven't looked 

 

So even if you've checked under your bed 

Bed, he's still there in your heart and soul 

Cause Jesus knows the truth 

But he's dead for now 

But while he's away, I know a thing or 2 

 

And I'll show you how to meet Jesus 

So come take my hand 

And I'll show you what you need to know 

So you can have the chance to meet Jesus 

Who in here wants to get baptized? 

It's easy, but your soul must want it bad 

That must mean you want to get baptized 

Because I think that you are listening 

 

So what thought do you have to have 

To make what you want to happen? 

And trust that we have the words 

So drink up from my cup 

 

So who in here wants to get baptized? 

It's easy, but you have to want it bad 

The 1st step is to look into my eyes but you cannot see me 

Then you'll have to listen to the sound of my voice 

Because these words are the most important 

 

We all know that it starts with a bell 

For the baptism to work 

For your mind to compel 

Let the bell be the sign 

For you to change 

 

So on the count of 3 

You'll hear the ding 

And from that moment on 

Eternal happiness begins 

 

It comes on slowly 

So let it take effect 

Sit back and relax 

We're in no hurry 

 

1,2,3 

And he shall smite thee 

And the cherub will drink 

From the highest of waters 

 

Sisters 

Brothers 

 

I will tell you today 

About an evil 

That is taking 

The Father 

The Son 

And the Holy Spirit 

 

That evil is called 

The Devil 

 

Lucifer as you may know him 

The light Bringeth the morning star 

The truth he brings on the darkness 

Where also Satan 

And the outlaw 

 

He calls to you 

He calls to you everyday 

From your radio 

From your music television 

 

From the teachers at your public school 

He’ll put you on the street 

He’ll beckon 

 

You must know 

Listen closely my child 

You must not follow him 

He’ll persist 

 

He’s quite the crafty one 

 

But you have an ally 

In Jesus 

 

Our good friend Jesus Christ 

He will be there with you 

 

To reach you 

Reach him my child 

Take his bloody hand 

Alright 

Well, we sure do like to get down here at the 

Minnesota Committee of Jesus 

And I'd just like to take this opportunity to 

Introduce our wonderful group of holy rollers 

 

Hi, I'm Linell, and I like birds 

Hi, my name's Olive, and I love corn 

I'm Vicky, and I like toast 

I'm Ethan, and dinosaurs never existed 

Hi, I'm Steven, ever heard of the color green? 

Hi, I'm Ally, and I'm an autistic savant 

Oh hi, I'm Taylor, and the sky isn't real 

Hi, I'm Amber, and I've never eaten dirt 

Hey guys, Nigel, shit 

 

Haha, alright 

Well I'd just wanna thank y'all for joining us 

And let's get right on back to the music 

Xavier was walking home from school 

When something colorful caught his eye 

Thin pages turning in the windy gutter 

 

As he approached the pink plastic 

And reached out to grab it 

He saw the devil's clam in the air 

And his tongue and eyes all grew hair 

 

It's the anti masturbation song 

And if you love God, then won't you sing along? 

It's the anti masturbation song 

And if you love God, then won't you sing along? 

 

Shame is the game, so you better not be jerking off 

God is always watching, so don't be wetting your socks 

 

It's the anti masturbation song 

And if you love God, then won't you sing along? 

 

Johnny's friend gave him a CD 

Music was horrid and seedy 

Got to be indulgent and greedy 

 

He whispered in his ears and his hands looked south 

He was found dead 

Foaming at the mouth 

 

It's the anti masturbation song 

And if you love God, then won't you sing along? 

It's the anti masturbation song 

And if you love God, then won't you sing along? 

 

Shame is the game, so you better not be jerking off 

God is always watching, so don't be wetting your socks 

 

It's the anti masturbation song 

And if you love God, then won't you sing along? 

 

Sally had to tinkle when she was little 

But she let the devil get the best of her 

She put not 1, not 2, but 3 fingers inside 

And was raped by Lucifer 

 

It's the anti masturbation song 

And if you love God, then won't you sing along? 

It's the anti masturbation song 

And if you love God, then won't you sing along? 

 

Shame is the game, so you better not be jerking off 

God is always watching, so don't be wetting your socks 

 

It's the anti masturbation song 

And if you love God, then won't you sing along? 

 

Now remember kids 

The daycare closes at 5PM 

So your parents must pick you up by that time promptly 

Cause the doors will be closed and locked 

And you'll be forced to spend the night with me 

We have so many activities planned 

 

Now remember 

It's never okay to touch yourself 

But you should let Jesus touch you anyway 

Father 

What will happen when I die? 

 

Well, my child 

When you die 

You will go to Heaven if you've been good 

Or Hell if you've been bad 

 

Well 

Who decides if I've been good or bad? 

 

Well, my child 

God decides if you've been good or bad 

 

Oh okay 

 

But father 

What if at the end of my life 

That's all really a lie 

And I wasted my 1 and only life fearing an empty sky? 

 

Uh 

Sweetheart 

Please stick to the script 

Farther along we'll know all about it 

Farther along we'll understand why 

Cheer up, my brothers, live in the sunshine 

We'll understand it all by and by 

 

Tempted and tried, we're oft made to wonder 

How it could be thus all the day long 

While there are others living about us 

Never molested, though in the wrong 

 

When we see Jesus, coming close 

When he comes from, his holiness sky 

We'll go and meet him, in that bright mansion 

We'll understand it, oh bye bye 

(Traditional)

Goodnight my children 

 

Close your eyes my children 

Have faith that this will all take place again tomorrow 

Everything will be exactly as you left it 

All waiting for you 

 

So take a sip of water 

Fluff your pillows 

And drift off 

Into a magical world 

 

Goodnight 

Goodnight to everyone 

Everyone, everywhere 

Goodnight 

 

Goodnight  

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